Suxville Part 2
by Linda09
Summary: If you've read part one you know what to expect, if you haven't um....yeah. Don't read this if you have no sense of humour, or actually enjoyed the never ending torture of the Clark/Lana saga.


Martha (Lying in hospital bed, opens eyes): Clark, is that you…I thought, I thought for sure I was going to be with your father.

Clark (with tears in eyes): You nearly died mom; but I couldn't let you go so I took you to Jor-El and saved you.

Martha (begins crying): Why Clark, why didn't you just let me die?

Clark: I couldn't mom, when I got home and found Lana crying…I couldn't believe you'd be so insensitive that'd you'd nearly die while she was there….I had make sure you understood why you should never make Lana cry.

Martha (with look of terror in eyes, begins yelling): NURSE, NURSE…HELP ME, HELP ME, PLEASE!

Clark (soothing voice, pats Martha's hand): It's ok mom, I told them that I just need to talk to you, and they said that's fine as long as I don't talk to them; then they ran away.

Martha (begins sobbing): HELP ME….OH PLEASE GOD WON'T SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!

Clark: Don't you worry mom, I know how much you enjoy our little Lana chats, remember how you always told me to follow my heart? I'm so grateful you told me to do that because my heart is just full of Lana; talking about her with you every day of my life has just been wonderful, I'll make sure you never die so you we can always have our little chats.

Martha (crying piteously): I don't want to talk about Lana, I'm sick to death of hearing about Lana; let me die, oh please just let me die.

Clark (chiding gently): Now I know you don't mean that mom, you're just upset (picks up her hand and pats) but I have a little treat for you later, I brought some of my Lana photo albums, and as you know I have a super memory so I can take you through every picture and explain what was happening at the time. I'm thinking about showing them to the Justice League, but as my mom I want to share them with you again first; but before we do that, we need to talk about you upsetting Lana....

Martha now out of hospital, and in fortress: JOR-EL, JOR-EL you bastard, come out.

Jor-El: Hello Martha Kent

Martha: Why Jor-El, why did you let him save me?

Jor-El: He's your son Martha Kent.

Martha: He's not my son, he's yours.

Jor-El (begins shaking head quickly): NO! No he's not, he's your son.

Martha (shaking head): He's yours, you said he was yours.

Jor-El: No, no I made a mistake.

Martha: You didn't, I made the mistake he's YOUR son.

Jor-El: I've been dead for hundreds of years; dead! (begins to sob) And he still torments me by coming and talking about Lana. I liked him better when he yelled at me for ruining his life...why can't he yell at me again Martha Kent, why?

Martha: It's ok Jor-el, I understand.

Jor-El: You don't, you're not dead; am I not allowed to have any peace?

Martha (snorts): At least you're dead; I'm going to end up a dried old raisin while he yammers on to me about the freaking midget.

Jor-El: Why don't you check around the fortress Martha Kent, maybe there's another thingie to send him and the midget into space.

Martha (considers and shakes head): It wouldn't be fair to inflict them on anyone else.

Jor-El (screeches back): Bugger that...every planet for themselves.

Martha (replies in grim voice): This is all your fault Jor-El; there are plenty of other planets in the galaxy, why did you have to send him to earth?

Jor-El: Well he needed to be able to breathe and ....

Martha (cuts in): He could have held his breath while he flew around the galaxy looking for somewhere to land.

Jor-El: This is YOUR fault Martha Kent, you kept telling him to follow his heart, instead of giving him a boot up the ass, that's the Kryptonian way of handling unruly children.

Martha: It's our way too; just wish I'd used it (mutters last bit under breath).

Superman/Clark walks into fortress: Ah father, mom, I'm glad you're both here, I haven't had the chance to talk to you both at the same time….

Jor El (quickly yells): I'm not your father!

Martha: Go away; oh please for the love of heaven won't you leave us alone.

Superman/Clark (Ignoring them both): Now about Lana…..

Jor-El & Martha (both crying uncontrollably): No, no please we beg you…we beg you….

**

Watchtower (all super-hero's pointing and yelling at Oliver Queen): Oliver you bastard, why did you keep asking Clark to join us?

Oliver (shaking head): I didn't know, I swear I didn't know.

Flash: I'm the fastest man in the world and he still catches up with me…and…and….he talks to me about Lana.

Batman: I'm the Dark Knight, people run from me in terror, but he made me cry…he made me cry… (breaks down in tears).

Wonder Woman (hugging Batman): Is there no end to his cruelty.

Aquaman: I saved Lois from drowning over 20 years ago, and he still yells at me…he yells at me because I didn't look after Lana… (little sob squeaks out)….she wasn't even in danger but he says that it doesn't matter, Lana could have died while I was occupied saving Lois. He yells that….that Lana could have drowned if she laughed while drinking soda pop and it went up her nose….

Oliver: I've tried to send him to another galaxy to help but…but…

Hawkgirl: It's ok Ollie, let it out (pats him on back).

Oliver: The people in that galaxy yelled at me…they said they'd rather die than have his help.

Batman: We have to stop him, we have to.

Wonder Woman: My mother forgave me for leaving Themyscira, she forgave me for coming here and helping in this man's world, but she said…she said I was never to darken her doorstep again after he went there with me to help during the last crisis. He said that he was happy to find a new world that he could share the wonder of Lana with.... he goes there every month now.

Flash: That's just, that's just…. (lost for words).

Wonder Woman: I know (tears running down cheeks) my sisters, my Amazon sisters who can beat any man in battle, run and hide from him; but it does them no good because he uses his x-ray vision and finds them.

Hawk Girl (wings flapping in agitation): I hate Luthor, why did he have to give himself up, why couldn't he just keep trying to take over the world, why, why, why?

Batman: As god is my witness, I'll find a way to stop Clark, I'll stand up to him and .…

Oliver sees the outdoor light blinking and cuts in: Oh fuck! He's coming….hide…hide now.

All superhero's start running around looking for places to hide; Clark/Superman walks in.

Clark: Ah good, I'm glad you're all here…come out from under your desk Ollie.

Oliver (shaking head, and scrunching up tighter, praying he can't be seen).

Batman: (hiding in closet, biting knuckles so doesn't let out little squeak).

Hawk girl: (hiding under couch, covering ears and face with wings).

Wonder Woman: (pretending to be mannequin next to American flag).

Flash: (Hiding behind palm tree).

Aquaman: (scrunched up and hiding inside water cooler bottle).

Clark: I've got some new pictures of Lana that I want to share; I need your help to decide which are the best 500 pictures for my lecture at the prison tomorrow. I thought since Luthor didn't remember who she was, I'd give all the men a treat and have a slide show while they sing Barry Manilow songs.

All still quiet; Clark strides over, rips open closet door and pulls Batman out,  
Reaches in bottle and pulls out Aquaman (giving him good shake to dry off);  
Reaches under desk, Ollie tries to quickly crawl away but is grabbed by scruff of neck;  
Flash pulled out from behind palm tree and held up in one strong super-hand, (his feet still running in mid air);

Couch lifted up and Hawk Girl dragged out by her wings;

Wonder woman standing rock still and holding breath;

Clark strides towards flag and stops, looks around (crosses arms and has frown on face): where's Hal and J'onn; why aren't they here? They know I come at the same time every day?

Superheros all turn to Batman who is holding up hands and shaking head violently, (he's now changed his mind about standing up to Superman).

Clark turns to Ollie: Where are they, they should be here?

Ollie: They're helping someone.

Clark: (frown grows darker and face turns red) No one needs help at this time of day; this time is strictly for me to talk to my best friends about Lana.

Flash (yells): We're not your best friends, we hate you!

Clark (nods head in understanding): I don't blame you; I know you're all upset because I had to leave early yesterday during my Lana talk, but my little sweet princess needed me urgently; but don't you worry I'm going to make it up to you. I'll talk to you for 3 hours today instead of 1.

Batman (begins to sob): Why…why would you do this to us?

Clark (nods and pats Batman on back): To make up for yesterday (Superheros all begin crying in earnest) I can see how touched you all are, (tears streaking Clark/Superman's face) I can talk about Lana all day, and I'm so glad I have best friends who love to hear about her too.

Clark: Wonder Woman come out from behind the flag before I pull you out; I understand why you're upset, but you need to stop being so insecure just because you're not as pretty as Lana.

Superhero's all sitting defeated and dejected as Clark pulls projector into place: Now the first 100 photos of Lana are when she was a cheerleader in high school, you might not think there's any difference between them, but there is…in this one, her hair is blowing a little in the wind…and in this one her hair is blowing but she's put a little bobby pin in the side…now this one …..

_2 hours later  
_

Clark: (green Lantern & Martian Manhunter walk in) Ah Hal and J'onn come in and take a seat, you got here just in time for my Lana talk, it hasn't been going on for long so I'll start again.

Superheroes all weeping loudly (and all now silently cursing Lex Luthor).

J'onn: I thought losing my wife and son, all my people could be the worst thing that could happen to me …but this ….this…(trails off cannot speak)

Clark (nods head in understanding): I understand John, missing my Lana talk and the pictures of her would be a terrible thing indeed, but don't worry old friend, I'll take my time. Now to start again; the first 100 photos of Lana are when she was a cheerleader in high school, you might not think there's any difference between them, but there is…in this one, her hair is blowing a little in the wind…and in this one her hair is blowing but she's put a little bobby pin in the side…now this one …..


End file.
